Say That You Love Me
by pillowrabbit
Summary: Sandstorm begins to doubt whether or not Firestar loves her after all.


The storm tossed and turned outside, lashing the pine trees and spewing cracked branches everywhere. Rain fell harder, and the dark gray clouds loomed up like an angry pack of hounds.

Sandstorm watched it all through the shelter of her den. Her ears were flattened against her head, and the mossy nest that was next to her was empty. Firestar was still out there in the storm with the border patrol. He hadn't come back yet.

Her green eyes flickered with worry and she settled back down into her bedding with a sigh.

The sound of the rain drummed across the ground, and her eyelids began to droop. The melody slowly lulled her to sleep, and she let the fingers of dreams take her.

The she-cat woke up to the sound of thunder, and she blinked in surprise when she found herself lying next to a cliff. _I must be dreaming_, she thought. The skies above brewed and crackled with stored electricity, and as she gazed down the cliff, her claws tightened against the ground. It was a sheer drop from the precipice below, a fall that would break any cat's neck. She gulped. Sandstorm looked around, wondering when she would wake up.

A murmur of cats' voices trickled into her ears, and she immediately dove into the cover of a nearby bush. As she watched, two cats came into view. Her ears perked up when she recognized them: Firestar, and a tortoiseshell and white she-cat. _Spottedleaf! _What was she was doing here? Isn't she dead?

Sandstorm's eyes grew wide when she realized something. If Spottedleaf was here, doesn't that mean that this was StarClan? And if this was the afterlife and Firestar was also here, did that mean that he was dead as well? Sandstorm dug her nails into the ground. No, impossible! This was only a dream, that was all! But suppose something had happened right before she fell asleep. In her mind, she imagined Firestar with the border patrol, when suddenly a rotted tree cracked from its trunk and pummeled the leader into the ground, crushing him, burying him, showering him with branches and leaves while the others looked on in disbelief…

Sandstorm shook her head furiously. No, this was just a meaningless dream! It had to be. She strained her ears to listen to the two cats' conversation.

The bright ginger tom was gazing at the tortoiseshell she-cat fondly, his green eyes gazing into pale amber. He smiled softly.

Sandstorm's blood ran cold. _No! What are you doing? _

Spottedleaf smiled back at the tom and murmured, "Firestar…"

She trailed her spotted tail along the leader's back, purring all the while.

Sandstorm's eyes narrowed.

Spottedleaf continued, "We haven't seen eachother in such a long time. Did you miss me?"

_No! Say 'no', Firestar! _

To her shock, Firestar leaned forward and nuzzled the tortoiseshell's forehead.

"Of course," he purred. "How could I ever forget the one cat I love most?"

_Firestar, _Sandstorm thought.

He wrapped his tail around hers, and the two cats nestled eachother. The ginger tom leaned closely into the other's ear. His green eyes glowed darkly, and he seemed to be looking straight at the ginger she-cat.

He whispered softly into Spottedleaf's ear, "Spottedleaf, I love you…"

Sandstorm immediately leaped up from her hiding place. This can't be, this can't be, it's just a dream, just a dream, but still, her heart beat furiously.

She yowled, "Firestar! Say that you were lying! Say that you love me!" She pleadingly looked at her mate, her eyes blurring.

Spottedleaf grinned wickedly and snickered, "You mouse-brain. Didn't you know that he loved me all this time?" The medicine cat's grin widened until it reached the top of her ears, and the pale ginger she-cat took a step back in disbelief.

Spottedleaf cooed, "Oh you poor little bird, is your heart shattering right now? Good, because Firestar always loved me, he will always, _always, always love me more than you!" _Her voice distorted and rose to an ear-splitting shriek at the end, and as Sandstorm watched, she seemed to grow bigger.

The Clan leader just watched the whole scene calmly, his eyes not betraying any of his emotions. Sandstorm looked at him.

"Firestar," she whimpered. The tom snorted at her and walked a few paw steps to stand beside the former medicine cat.

He hissed, "Stay away from us, Sandstorm, because my life is with Spottedleaf now." Tears rolled down the ginger she-cat's face.

She whispered, "But…I thought you loved me."

Firestar snorted. "Love _you? _My heart is with Spottedleaf, and it always will be."

Spottedleaf's grin widened, showing all of her teeth. The Cheshire cat smile deepened, and Sandstorm found herself gazing into the gaping black hole of an empty abyss.

She choked back sobs and took a step back. Firestar shuffled forward, and as she watched, he grew taller and taller, and his handsome features morphed until he resembled a large black dog.

"_Stay away from my Spottedleaf!" _his distorted voice howled, and the pair of hounds were suddenly leaping at her and snarling.

The cat let out a howl of surprise and started to run away. Her paws pounded against the wet earth, and before she knew it, she had slipped over the cliff. The pair of dark hounds, Spottedleaf and Firestar, stared at her with red eyes as she fell, their mouths wide open and grinning from ear to ear.

The ginger she-cat plunged through the darkness of the abyss, and as she watched, strange scenes morphed and swirled around her. A peculiar, distorted laugh, a tail where a backbone should be, a mouse eye on a cat's, a bird that couldn't fly, Twoleg shuffling through the mayhem, its shoulders sunk deep into the ground.

Her green eyes grew wide. Fresh tears ran down her cheeks, and her heart shattered into a million pieces. Firestar…why, why, why. This was supposed to be just a cruel dream, yet how come she felt herself being torn from limb to limb, feeling the raw pain just as though she were awake? She fell through the shadows, an empty shell, a husk, all the life and happiness sucked away from her. Firestar. Oh, Firestar. Please stay with me. She closed her eyes and let the emptiness waft her downstream.

A flash of lightning, a boom of thunder.

The she-cat's eyes opened and her fur fluffed out when she woke up. She was panting and her heart beat loudly against her rib cage. The storm was still raging outside, but she was back in her den again, curled up in a mossy nest. It was only a dream.

Her eyes clouded over with grief and she sank back down. Firestar loves me, doesn't he? He always did, always would…right? She let out a shaky breath. And yet, even she knew that he still had a special place in his heart for Spottedleaf. But he _did _love her more than the medicine cat, of course? Great StarClan, she was his mate, after all!

Her doubts and realities morphed together into one ugly gray lump, and she gazed outside, watching the steady rain churn the ground up into a muddy soup. Her ears pricked up when the ThunderClan leader, his fur dripping wet and his paws caked with brown, entered the den.

He said, "Sorry I'm late. An apprentice got stuck in the mud so I had to help pull him out." He lay down next to her and she flinched. He looked worried.

"Are you alright?" he asked. "Are you hurt?" _Only my heart, _she thought. She averted his gaze and mumbled, "Yeah, I'm fine."

Firestar looked at her, and when she refused to say anything else, he started to groom his pelt from the rain and dirt. She watched him, and her mind raced with questions. _Do you want to be with Spottedleaf, rather than me? Am I not good enough for you? Do you love me, Firestar? Do you love me, do you love me? _She felt like she would burst.

She mewed softly in surprise when she felt a tongue start to lick her fur. Firestar was grooming her. She sunk her head deep into the moss of the nest and breathed in its earthy dust. What made Spottedleaf better than her? The she-cat's ears drooped when she remembered the time she first met Firestar. He was only a short, plump kittypet when she had first laid eyes on him, his green eyes bright and filled with the naïve spark that turned the forest over and didn't hesitate to see and wonder and ask. She had taunted him everyday, teasing him and turning her nose up whenever he had offered to be polite. Her eyes saddened when she remembered that Spottedleaf had been nothing but nice to the kittypet from the very first day. _Of course he'd love her more than me, _she thought glumly.

Firestar abruptly stopped grooming her fur and looked at her with a serious expression on his face. "I can see that there's something wrong. Why won't you tell me?"

_Because I already know the truth. _

She looked away and murmured, "Nothing." The cat let out a squeak when she felt the leader's tail wrap around her shoulders and pull her close. He whispered, "Come on, you can tell me." She shook her head.

_You don't love me, you don't love me._

She recalled in her dream, how fondly he had gazed at Spottedleaf. She sighed.

She was startled when she turned to look at Firestar's eyes. The Clan leader was gazing at her intently, his brow furrowed. "Tell me, Sandstorm," he urged. "I want to know what's bothering you."

The she-cat felt her eyes brim with tears. _Do you love me? _

"Do you love me, Firestar?" she said at last. She said it louder. "Firestar, do you love me?" The ginger tom looked surprised. He opened his mouth to say something, but the she-cat quickly turned away and muttered, "Nevermind. I already know the answer." She started to trudge out of the den, but he quickly leaped up and blocked the exit.

He hissed, "Of course I do! I've said it a million times before: I love you, Sandstorm, and I always will."

Sandstorm meowed, "But I bet you love Spottedleaf more!" She felt the tears slide soundlessly down her muzzle, and she crumpled to the ground.

The tom sighed, and to her surprise, he leaned down and settled down next to her, their pelts brushing. He murmured, "I did love her, Sandstorm, but she's dead right now. She's gone, so I have no business with her anymore. But you, right now, you're my future, and you're the only cat I look up to." Sandstorm blinked. This was the first time she heard him say that.

Firestar continued, "You're the only cat I will walk next to for the rest of my days, and I love you. More than Spottedleaf, or anyone else. After all, you are the only cat who has managed to make my heart truly sing. Not even Spottedleaf could do that." He brushed his head against hers, and she felt her heart start to pound again.

He whispered into her ear, "Sandstorm, I love you, and I always will. Never forget that." She buried her face into her shoulder, and let the overwhelming tidal wave wrap itself around her. She sobbed quietly into his fur, and he tangled his tail with hers. They waited the storm out together.

She felt the feel of his fur against hers, and she closed her eyes. _He loves me, he loves me. _And her heart sang.

**Author's note: Okay, I'll try to clear up any confusions to the reader. The dream that Sandstorm had, it was just a plain, simple dream. No, it did NOT take place in StarClan, and the Spottedleaf and Firestar that were in the dream are not real. They were just figments of Sandstorm's imagination and mind.**


End file.
